why are you such a poop
This weekend was me walking around the mall with my sister and her friends because i was my little sist
er slave and was bribed into driving her into the depths of hell that she likes to call the mall. the mall is full of screaming babies and old ladies working at mr.pretzel trying to force feed me pretzels as i walk by ( i swear they try to put it in my mouth all the time , so i always speed walk as fast i can away from them). so we ventured into a store and let me explain this. I hate HATE shopping. i would rather gnaw the leg off a hairy transvestite than sit in a store for 3 hours trying on clothes and putting them back on the rack after realizing that maybe purple leather pants dont really look that good on me.
SO, as i sulked into the store being dragged by my sister and her yappy yappy highschool friends i kind of just walked around through isles listening to the intercom music which im pretty sure was jennifer lopez's forever famous "waiting for tonight" .
so as i walked around singing waiting for tonight under my breath but being very good at keeping the most miserable face on as possible something stopped me in my tracks.
lying on the table of jewelry infront of me was the most glorious thing i have ever laid eyes on.
it was a balloon hat kit
IT TEACHES YOU TO MAKE BALLOON HATS !!
i grabbed it and ran to the cashier immediately and threw all the money i had in my pocket on the counter. so as pennys and nickels flew at the guy behind the cashier we both yelped as some change flew at his face. but his reflexes were pretty good he ducked in time.
i quickly apologized and nervously laughed and handed over the kit .
and he rung it up and asked me " would that be all"
me- " yep just balloon hats!"
him- "well you know we sell some other stuff. we are having a sale of graphic T's"
*looks over at graphic t table in which all shirts either have a ma
jestic animal or some french phrase thats probably incorrect"
me- " uh no thanks just balloon hats please"
him- " you know if you spend over 40 dollars you can get a bag made out of recycled bags for only 60 dollars. "
me- " uh. . balloon hats.."
him-" it will save the environment you know ... you do care about the environment right? "
me-" balloon .......hats"
him- " ok that will be 12.40 " *death glare that would kill 1000 orphans*
me- *no eye contact * " thanks. . . "
so as i almost felt the awkward guilt coming upon me for not saving the environment (not really) i then remembered what i just bought and i was immediately happier than anything alive .
so i sent the MASSTEXTOFALIFETIME and said " Balloon hats tonight for everyone. get ready . its going down"
everyone immediately knew what was in store.
so when i finally dropped my sister off and her minions of hell off at some crack house after listening to a 30 minute car ride of
" OMGAWD LIKE SHE LIKED HIS STATUS SO I LIKED IT AFTER AND WE WERE LIKE TOTALLY IN A TEXT WAR LIKE WHAT A BITCH LIKE OMG RIGHT ON FACE BOOK YEAH!!! LIKE RIGHT THERE!!! OMGZAAZ DEN I LIKE ATE A BURRITO AND GOT DIARRHEA !!! OMGAZ U 2 !?!?!?!?!? ASDFASDFAS "
death
later that night i walked in with my bag of balloons and everyone turned and looked at the balloons and gave a nod of approval.
magic was about to happen .
so i had my balloon all ready and i opened the directions and died.
it was... so ... hard.
we all sat there trying to make hats and no matter what we did
everyones hat looked like a penis
a penis
everyone of them .
so once our party turned into a penis hat party i still had hope in the balloon hats
so thats when i sat in the corner and didnt talk to anyone for an hour trying to make a wizard hat.
finally when i was done and i walked to the mirror and looked at myself in the mirror i just bursted out laughing after not talking to anyone for an hour and i turned to everyone and went
" IT LOOKS LIKE A HUGE PENIS BAHAHAHHA"
so no matter what i did . a penis hat happened.
which was fine. the night ended with everyone with
a personalized penis crown/hat
then it led to penis swords
in where epic battles were held.
at the end we combined them together to make THE MOST EPIC PENIS HAT EVERRRR!!!!!!
twas a successful idea.
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